Often my conversations with women inspire me to write. Over the past couple of months one of my dear friends and I had a difficult conversation. With her permission, I’m writing. And for the sake of confidentiality I will call her Distressed.
Distressed confided, “I want nothing to do with my husband. I don’t even want him to touch me, let alone have sex with me.” She went on to confess that she finds herself thinking about a man she knows from her church. Ironic isn’t it? And this man has thrown out subtle hints that he’s not happy in his marriage. In her mind, he’s everything her husband is not. And he pays special attention to her, which meets some need in her long unmet. They’ve written one another and had brief conversations. Now, she finds herself unable to shake these feelings. She knows it’s wrong and carries a lot of guilt as a result.
Obviously there’s a lot more to this story than just a woman who doesn’t want her husband. There are reasons behind it all. But that’s the thing, there’s always “more to the story.” That’s just how the enemy works. Satan and his demons don’t normally destroy a person’s life overnight. He slowly and subtly waits for the climactic moment when all falls into place. Then he goes for the jugular, “like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour.” The Bible says Satan wants to steal, kill and destroy. If you are a child of God, you are a moving target. There’s a definite unseen, spiritual war going on, and anyone resembling or following Jesus is Satan’s enemy. He’s a God hater and the prince of this world! But the beauty of it is, if you belong to Jesus, he can’t win. He who is in you (Jesus) is greater than he who is in this world (Satan). So, resist the devil and he will flee from you. And he knows prayer in the name of Jesus and the Truth from God’s Word are your greatest weapons.
C. S. Lewis wrote, ”The tempter always works on some real weakness in our own system of values: offers food to some need which we have starved.” Isn’t that the truth? It’s not the area most fulfilled in us that longs for more. It’s those areas of brokenness that desire more. The empty places desire the filling.
Who better to fill us than Jesus? But we have to let Him be the One doing the filling and not someone or something else. That’s normally where we get off track. We look for earthly things or people to fill us, to give us confidence, to meet our needs. My friend, Distressed, is being tempted to fill her void with another earthly man.
Let me just say this loud and clear, if you’re looking for the perfect man, you’ll never find him. He doesn’t exist! Amen?;) My husband and I have a great marriage, but don’t think for one minute I love him the way I do because he’s perfect. He’s not, I’m not, nor is our relationship perfect. Our unconditional love for each other is a choice! The Bible tells us to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” I have to flip my way of thinking. I choose to recognize and emphasize the things about my husband that I love. It’s the Philippians 4:8 way of thinking…whatever’s pure, lovely, true, admirable, noble, praiseworthy, and right. I think on those things rather than the things that drive me crazy about him!
Sorry if this busts your bubble, but if you’re looking to have the perfect marriage, you’re never going to have it! No earthly relationship is perfect. No man, no woman, no friend, no job title is going to make you whole, confident and secure. Jesus is absolutely the ONLY One who can do that! With that said, get to know Him. Call out to Him in your distress, Distressed! Pray, pray, pray! Call on His name, “Jesus,” and your enemy has to flee. Time spent kneeling before God will give you the confidence to stand before anybody, including Satan!
The Bible mentions the heart being desperately wicked, so it’s no wonder we have feelings and thoughts that deceive us. Often, what we are feeling or thinking doesn’t line up with the truth. It’s like Eve in the garden. God said don’t eat of that fruit. Satan twisted words, changing her feelings and thoughts. Suddenly that fruit sounded so much better than all the rest. She fell into his trap only to find that her sin would lead to death.
We’re all Eves who’ve tasted the bitter fruit of deception, aren’t we? Maybe you know someone, or maybe you find yourself in the middle of a lie right now, and you feel like it’s too late to turn back. Well it’s not, just ask Jesus for forgiveness and help. Get out, turn away, repent, or whatever you want to call it. Shed light on it by telling a trusted friend, so you can be held accountable and begin healing. Satan will feed you a thousand lies why you shouldn’t. And again, take all those thoughts captive, and point them back to Truth.
Most of us know before we get ourselves into a situation how we’re going to respond once we’re there. So if there’s something tempting you, avoid it all together. IF you’re blindsided and you find yourself face to face with it, RUN!!! The Bible tells us to “flee,” in other words, leave, get out, good-bye, adios, Au revoir, Hasta la vista baby!
To sum it all up, learn to recognize your enemy and fight, know where your security lies, seek Truth at all costs, and flee. Play with fire and you WILL get burned! So it’s simple really, just don’t play with it!
Associated verses: John 10:10; 1 Peter 5:8; 1 John 4:4; Genesis 6:5; 1 Corinthians 6:17-19; James 4:7; 2 Corinthians 10:5