What Men Really Want

I think we can agree women desire to feel valued and needed. We have lists of things our men could do for us to make our marriage better.  Putting our lists aside for today,  what is it our husbands really need from us, and how can we show them love?

I asked my husband, “What are the top five ways a woman could love her husband better?”  And I’m not sure why I asked, because I already knew his answer.  With a sparkle in his eye and his crooked half grin he said, “Sex.”  Not only would it be one of the top five ways.  To him, it would be the top five ways.  I have a feeling most men would agree with my husband on this!

Most great marriages have God as the foundation and sex as the glue that holds them together.  God clearly created men and women for one another’s enjoyment sexually in the context of marriage.  If you don’t believe me, read Song of Solomon or Proverbs 5.

In Song of Solomon 4, notice the man (the lover) does a lot of talking, complimenting, and wooing his beloved before she responds.  Aheeem…  (Just a little side note for the men reading)!

While it’s true lovers love best laying down, there’s more to this laying down love than sex.  We must also lay down selfishness, pride, bitterness and the need to always be right and have the last word.

Honor him.  Women are so relational, and we often honor our friends more than we do our husbands.  We feel our friends relate to us better.  You ask, “Well how can I appreciate him when he does that thing that bugs me?”  I know, I hear you.  But guess what, we chose our men regardless of our frustrations!  There was something about them once upon a time we admired. Whatever it was, we need to revisit it and be reminded of why we fell in love!

Those vows were serious business, so we may need to pray for  God’s help in choosing our words and attitude carefully.

Condemning and nagging, those are tough aren’t they?   So annoying, nagging is like a dripping faucet.  We just can’t do it.  We have to seal the lips, walk away, or whatever works.  And though they may never see this, we really shouldn’t talk bad about them with our girlfriends.  They are our husbands and life partners.  Remember, the two became one?  We are to love them as much or more than we love ourselves, even when they’re not looking.  

Show support.  Eve was created to help meet Adam’s needs. We were also chosen for our husbands for this purpose.  We can start by encouraging them in their work by telling them how great we think they are at what they do, or what great providers they are.

Pray for them every day, then humbly communicate this.  Ask about their day, then actively listen.  Show interest in the things that interest them most.  If they loves fishing, suggest that they go sometime, or even better go with them.

And remember the old saying, the way to a man’s heart is by way of his stomach?  There may be something to that!  My man is always happy after he’s eaten a good meal.  But I think if the truth were known, what our men love most about having a meal prepared is that we cared enough to do it.

Be a friend.  Share  thoughts and dreams, and if there’s a problem, actively help them solve it.  Recently my husband was at work and needed two parts from his inventory. He was half an hour from home and I was half an hour away in the opposite direction. He called and told me he needed the parts but didn’t have time to leave to get them. So, I stopped what I was doing, drove home to pick up the parts, then drove them to him. Now I’m not suggesting I’m perfect at this, but as a married couple we need to be a team. To do that, there are times when we lay aside our wants for the needs of the other.

Wrap up with a bow on top!  They want us to care, not only for them but for ourselves.  And, I’m not talking about obsessing over our weight or getting things nipped and tucked.  I just mean get healthy.  Get dressed, fix our hair and put on a little makeup once in a while.  They don’t want to come home to us in our pajama’s or workout clothes every day.  This seems especially difficult for stay-at-home moms (myself included).  I know the dilemma: kids, laundry, dirty dishes, tight budget etc.  I get it, I really do.

Maybe dress up to go out occasionally?  Or I know, we could cook dinner in our heels!!   (Don’t be offended, it’s just my style).  The point is, switch things up!

Even better,  dress up to go to bed.  We get lackadaisical about what we wear to bed.  Surprise him with something sexy every now and then.  Is this a requirement for our men to love us or want to make love to us?  No.  But it’s an invitation most men can’t refuse and highly appreciate.

Figure out what works for you, and stun him with pizzazz!


2 thoughts on “What Men Really Want

  1. creationscience4kids says:

    “Wrap yourself up with a bow on top every now and then” LOL I like that, sounds like fun too.
    My own marriage has had its tough times, but with God’s help we’re pretty much through the first struggles and have been in a calm patch for a while. Looking back, I can see how having learned the things you mention or instinctively using them has helped us weather the storms to come out stronger on the other side. Great thoughts, good post.
    The hardest part for me was not waiting for my husband to start treating me the way I wanted him to before I would return the favor. We women tend to be more sensitive to rifts in our relationships, so usually we’re going to be the one having to put out with no promise of return. That’s where doing the right thing for Christ as a sacrifice to Him makes a big difference.

    1. Rivera Douthit says:

      Yes, we all have rough patches in marriage. But it’s totally worth it when we make the choice to love through it. And I agree, treating him the way we long for him to treat us is sometimes difficult. But somebody has to make the first move to improve the relationship. I think that’s what Jesus might refer to as denying self:)
      Hehe… glad you like the “bow on top” idea. Hopefully you’ve been inspired;) I know your husband will love me for that one!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s