I’m just sharing about mistakes I’ve made. Maybe you can relate, or maybe this will help prevent you from making the same ones!
It’s never good to go to our best friend or family to tattle when fighting with our spouse. It’s our human tendency, when we feel we’ve been wronged, to want someone to side with us. But the problem is when we’ve forgiven and moved on, typically our family and/or friends haven’t. So unless it’s an abusive situation that puts us in danger, it’s best to work through it without involving others.
A good fight is healthy every now and then. I know, that sounds bad. What I mean is, it’s better to confront issues head on! Putting feelings out there rather than suppressing them can prevent bigger problems later. It’s been my experience that the longer pressure builds, the bigger the explosion when it finally breaks. Besides, the best thing about “fighting” is– you guessed it– making up!
We don’t always have to know everything! There have been times I’ve insisted on knowing. That knowledge got me in trouble. The details haunted my thoughts and caused me to make unnecessary assumptions about the issue, situation, or people involved. It’s simply not always best to know everything.
With that said, it’s not always necessary to share everything either. With other people, some things are better filtered and left unsaid. Then with our spouses, we should be an open book. They really should know everything there is to know about us.
It’s unhealthy to argue in front of our children. Once a few years ago, my children were about 4 and 5 years old. My husband and I started arguing over dinner. Tempers got away from us and before we knew it, we were tossing salad–and I don’t mean in a bowl. Salad, bowls included, flew across the room. I guess it’s unnecessary to share who threw theirs first, but my point is, my children never forgot it. They still mention it from time to time. I vowed that day that would never happen again– the throwing or the arguing– in front of our kids. The result has been pausing in their presence, then later discussing things behind closed doors in a more civilized manner!
We should never put a friendship before our marriage relationship. I’ve done this, and it eventually caused issues in my marriage. Maybe that’s another blog for another day. But, we should value our marriage by prioritizing quality time and confiding in our spouse more than we would a friend.
Insecurity isn’t attractive. Insecure women tend to overreact and nag, and both drive men crazy (and not in a good way). Remember, if you’re husband chose to marry you, it’s because he wanted you. He loves you. Besides, we should never depend on our spouse for our security anyway. That’s something that can only come from our relationship with God. And God-confidence is definitely attractive!
“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life./ She is clothed with strength and dignity (confidence); she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue./ Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her…” Proverbs 31:10-12, 25-26, 28
Is there anything you’ve learned the hard way?