Girls And Their Girls: too much of a good thing

When something is brought to my attention multiple times in a short period of time, you can pretty much count on me writing about it.  I write from where I am.  This is just me.

A couple of weeks ago, my friend and I were waiting to be seated in a crowded, nearby restaurant.  I couldn’t help but notice the other two girls waiting across from us.  There were guys talking to them, but I couldn’t tell if they had come there together or not.  As I watched them interact (I couldn’t help it, they were 3 feet in front of us), I felt my cheeks getting hot from embarrassment.  They were wearing tight shirts that didn’t quite cover their “girls,” if you know what I mean.  Let’s just say they were falling right out of their shirts!  That might be a better description!   It was UN-comfortable!

I was reminded in that moment of my own depravity and weakness, which is probably partly why my cheeks got hot.  Most of you know my story, and how I went through a rebellious time in my early thirties.  I turned my back on God and all things church for a while.  I don’t mean that in a disrespectful way, like it wasn’t a big deal.  IT WAS!!  I did things that I don’t dare speak of, except with a couple of accountability people God’s placed in my life.  But God’s taught me His relentless love for us is an even BIGGER deal than our mess ups!!

Anyway, I remember dressing scandalous at times.  Even after God had loved me back and I was in church again, I still struggled.  I was serving in church, but it was as if I was still hanging on to worldliness, or maybe it was hanging on to me.  My wardrobe reflected it!

During that time, a leader in my church (and one of my dear friends) had to confront me about showing too much cleavage on the platform (when leading worship).  In my defense, I wasn’t exactly “falling out” of my shirt like those girls at the restaurant, BUT good grief, it was bad enough to have “the modesty talk.”  I was absolutely mortified!  It was one of my top ten most humiliating moments ever!  I’m embarrassed to even share that.

I share it to make it clear to you that I’m not perfect.  I still get this wrong sometimes.  The “girls” still try to make their way to the surface on occasion.  I understand wanting to be in style (maybe even sexy).  I understand wanting to be noticed.  I understand insecurity.  I understand we’re all made in different shapes and sizes, some easier to keep covered than others.  I understand this is what the world tells us to do… I REALLY DO GET IT!

But, as Jesus girls, we need to be setting example.  We have the awesome privilege of showing the world what true beauty looks like, and it’s not cleavage!  Honestly, when we let it all hang out, we’re sharing something sacred.

Those are really for our husband’s eyes only–or your future husband, if you’re not married.  We need to keep them covered for him!  Just as much as I don’t want my husband to look at another woman’s breasts, I KNOW he doesn’t want another man looking at mine!  And if your husband does want you to dress in a way that’s revealing to other men…well that’s just messed up!

We can dress in style and be confident… with modesty!  When we enter a room, there should be one of us saying hello, not three!

I read Beth Moore’s book, “So Long Insecurity.” It’s been a while since I’ve read it, but one thing I remember is that she asked men what they think when they think of insecure women.  One man’s response was simple, “Cleavage.”

Girls, it’s true.  Cleavage screams insecurity!  Why can’t we resist the temptation to flaunt what we have?  Why do we allow our confidence to be defined by whether or not we’re noticed by men, or women in some cases?

While we cause the men in the room to lust, we cause all the women in the room to hate us.  Not because they’re jealous–well maybe–but because they become insecure too.  Couldn’t we just help each other out here?  By just keeping the double B’s (boobies and booties) undercover, we can help our brothers AND sisters.

And let’s not forget our girls (our real girls), our daughters, are modeling themselves after us!  Do we want them letting it all hang out?

I KNOW we all have ample opportunity, while we’re up in that mirror fixing our hair and make-up, to do a quick cleavage check.  There’s really no excuse, every one of us owns a mirror!

Or try this one (you won’t need a mirror).  BEND OVER!  An older, wiser woman taught me that.  Easy, isn’t it?  Then look down to see if you’re hanging out of your shirt.  While you’re down there, feel behind.  If you can feel your butt cheeks, then your shorts are too short.  If you can feel your back or your bottom at the top of your pants, you need to change, or make sure you never bend over in that outfit.

There are a couple of other modesty measuring sticks I like to use to decide whether something is appropriate or not!  Like I said I have messed this up on occasion.  But I try to ask myself, if I were another woman with her husband, would this outfit bother me?

Then I think, if I were going to be riding in the car with Jesus, walking beside Him, or even sitting across the table from Him, would I be embarrassed for Him to see me dressed in this?  If we’re His, we are with Him!  Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, and He is always with us.  Are we dressing like it?

The truth is this, Jesus makes us beautiful, and He delights in us just the way He made us!  We don’t need the attention of random, gawking men to feed our confidence.  That’s a false sense of confidence, anyway!  True confidence comes from our relationship with God.  With Him we can stand tall with our ta ta’s covered!



28 thoughts on “Girls And Their Girls: too much of a good thing

  1. Megan says:

    Whoa, I almost forgot that my body is property of my future husband and not mine! All those poor godly men being tempted by my sinful female form. Women are such a nuisance.

    Wait so do guys have to be modest or is just the ladies whose bodies are shameful and tempting. Cuz I gotta say I was pretty tempted by seeing Channing Tatum in magic mike!

    Maybe the two girls you saw weren’t insecure and they’re just heathens like myself who have different belief systems than you?

    1. Rivera Douthit says:

      Megan, I’m glad you “happened” on this website. I realize what I’ve written has irritated you. I respect that all people have different opinions. We all have been given the opportunity to choose what to believe. Not everyone will choose to believe what I do! Thank you for taking the time to comment. I encourage you to stop by anytime. And whether you choose to believe it or not, as long as you’re on my website, I have the right to tell you Jesus loves you.

  2. MInTheGap (@IsThisModest) says:

    This is a great post, and as a husband I can totally appreciate what you are saying. I often can’t understand why some women (especially bank tellers!) have to show their “girls” to everyone. You have a great post, and a great blog, and if you’d like to share this or other stories at Is This Modest, we’d love to have you!

    1. Rivera Douthit says:

      Thank you for stopping by and for your encouraging words.
      I would be glad to share on your site! Feel free to repost this post, OR link up to it. Or, just let me know what I would need to do.

      1. MInTheGap (@IsThisModest) says:

        I have put this post in our carnival of modesty going on this Saturday. If you’d like to guest post or something like that, then I could certainly get you an account– we have had multiple different writers over the 4 years that we’ve been running.

  3. Marcella (Bennett) Whitlock says:

    Rivera, I have just read some of you stories and they are wonderful. You have to be beautiful on the inside (heart) because it spills out all over you! God Bless you for what you are doing in your life.
    Your cousin,
    Marcella (Bennett) Whitlock

    1. Rivera Douthit says:

      Oh sweet Marcella, thank you for visiting me here. I pray my life always reflects Jesus and spills over onto others. I try to always point people to Him:) You are so sweet. Thank you!! XOXO

  4. ldipascal says:

    Rivera, thank you for speaking the truth in love and reminding us that how we wear our clothes can speak volumes to others about what is going on inside of our hearts. Great insights!!

  5. Amy Alves says:

    Mornin’ sister! Our motives and asking God for more self-awareness is so important. I pray that I glorify Him in all I do and say. Praise God we’re learning… thanks for speaking beautiful sister! ~ Love from Maine, Amy from Fullherlife

  6. Mary says:

    Nicely stated, Rivera! I love that you’re courageous enough to speak out on every aspect of our Christian “walk” — no matter how embarassing the subject matter! Like it or not, we make a long-lasting impression in just a moment or two. What we wear, and how we wear it, can also speak volumes about who we’re trying to impress. A woman who is confident in who she is, as a daughter of the King, will want to bring honor and glory to her Creator in all that she says and does — even in the way that she dresses. When we take that “one last look” in the mirror before leaving home, it might be good for us to ask ourselves: What are OTHERS likely to see when they look at me? If “the light of Christ” is in any way obscured, we should take time to change!

  7. laurabennet says:

    Wow! Thanks you on so many levels. What a great reminder and encouragement to us all. I’ve just breathed a sigh of relief to read things I have experienced and thought. Thank you for your honesty and courage. And one more thing: the part about keeping our girls covered for our husbands-your words about something being messed up about a husband who wants us to be revealing ourselves spoke so deeply to my heart. One of the biggest areas of conflict with my ex-husband was his insistence that I wear more revealing clothing! I used to feel so hurt and torn about it. Even now, so many years later, God just brought healing to my heart from reading those words and sharing them with my true husband who agrees with you and me. Thank you again!!

    1. Rivera Douthit says:

      Laura, THANK YOU!!! You hit my heart strings with that “healing” word. THAT’s my heart…healing and freedom through Jesus. I’m so blessed that you chose to share that with me. I love knowing God is using this blog and my less-than-perfect life to minister truth and healing. Hugs from NC!!

  8. D says:

    I do not wish to upset any ladies but let me say what attracted me to my then future wife. I noticed that she wore no makeup other than lipstick. I thought here is a woman not afraid to show the world exactly how God made her and that God does not make mistakes, I thought I know what I shall be getting with her. When we started dating she even stopped using lipstick.and she has saved a lot of money (a side benefit). Now we are both in our 70s her skin still looks lovely and natural. I thought she was beautiful nearly 40 years ago and she is still beautiful. Early on in our marriage she bought a rather tight sweater which certainly enthralled me but she soon realised it was too tight and revealing and disposed of it. She is the love of my life and the most beautiful woman in the world to me..

    1. Rivera Douthit says:

      Well I have to say, I’m pretty sure you have nothing to worry about:) I don’t know of a woman in the world whose heart wouldn’t be melted by your sweet, sweet comment about your wife! It’s beautiful!!! Thank you for sharing such lovely insight from a man’s perspective!

  9. Lea Mikosz says:

    You are so right. We need that reminder as women. We can be in style without showing too much. I do think the Holy Spirit works in each of us to show us what is right and what is not in our closets. I do find that going out on a date night I want to be a little sexy for my man but have to remember that I could draw attention from others as well. The enemy deceives us as women. What is beautiful is our inward beauty by far but that does not mean we should not take care of outside(physical) as well. Exercise , a little make up , looking fresh for our husbands when they see us shows them that we care about our physical beauty because we know our men will be tempted if we are not trying to take care of ourselves and meeting there needs as well. Great reminder!

    1. Rivera Douthit says:

      Thank you sweet Lea!! I agree with you. We have responsibility to ourselves, our husbands, AND God to “take care” of our bodies. Great insight. And being sexy for our men shows them we care. We just have to do it tastefully, that’s all:) Blessings from NC to you my sweet CA friend;)

  10. Tina says:

    We totally would be having this conversation at my kitchen table! It’s something one of my past Pastors was bold enough to preach about. It irked me to no end, that he felt compelled to call ALL women to look at themselves from a different, more holy perspective. But the message sank deep into my heart, I was guilty on so many levels. Fancy hair, jewellery, tight fitting clothes, you name it, we have the power to turn heads and make our sisters envious, and many men to lust after us. And for what? Are we impressing Jesus? Probably not. Thank you for sharing this – I admire your strength to say it how it is, and to be so transparent – it affects so many of us ladies. God bless!

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