I was there to practice. She was going to be playing piano for me to sing at an upcoming event. We had only briefly met a year ago and then recently again on the phone. When I arrived, her car was in the driveway. Each time I knocked on the front door, her huge dog met me with barks and eye contact through the window.
As I stood in her yard, she wasn’t answering her phone. She didn’t respond to my texts. I noticed the side door to her house was wide open with the screen door unlocked. My heart began to sink. All I could think was how she was close to my Aunt Evelyn’s age when she died unexpectedly in her sleep. My aunt was found in her bed in her house. It was one of the most horrible things my family had ever experienced, and the fear of THAT kept resurfacing.
I knew my new friend had an appointment in town before our meeting that day, but without knowing for sure if that’s where she was, I couldn’t just leave with a clear conscience. I had to make sure she was okay first. After calling a mutual friend and having her come over, we searched the house. My heart was pounding the entire time. We yelled her name and looked behind every door. Still nothing.
Relieved I thought, at least if we can’t find her here, she’s alive somewhere. I have no idea where she could be. There must’ve just been a misunderstanding.
Finally, she returned my texts. Apologetic, she explained that she was donating blood products. They had taken her phone. She could hear it ringing but had no way to respond, AND her appointment had gone an hour and a half longer than expected.
My friend, who came to my rescue, saw how upset I was before we found our missing pianist friend. She sweetly suggested later that I may have unresolved fear issues from my Aunt passing so unexpectedly. She said, “I don’t know if this is right, but you should take it to the Lord and ask Him to show you.”
The next day I left for a girl’s get away with my bestie. I always love our times, because we have such special revelations, laughter and healing times with the Lord. During our trip, I prayed about this fear thing. I never saw myself as being fearful. I asked Him to show me and help me heal if I had some unresolved fear I needed to hand over to Him.
Shortly after confessing to God and my friend, I received word from my brother and sister-in-law that my little niece was sick with high fever (really high), and they couldn’t figure out why. Doctors weren’t sure how to treat it, because they weren’t sure of the source of the problem. Immediately, that same sick feeling in my stomach rushed in. I reverted to nurse mode, asking a million questions and giving suggestions. I wanted to control it.
God immediately asked, “What are you afraid of? Why are you trying to control this? Do you not trust Me? I love you Rivera, and I love that baby. Do you not believe Me?”
Of course I know You love me Lord, I believe You. Of course I trust You. I’m just so afraid of loss, especially prematurely. I know You are in control, and I choose to release this. My hands are open. I speak life over this situation. I pray healing for my baby niece and declare that Your plans for her are good, and she has great kingdom purpose. Thank you Lord. I believe You want her to thrive. I pray by the power and authority of Jesus’ name that you breathe life and healing over her right now. Thank you God. I release all fear of death, fear of loss, fear of failure, fear of loneliness, and fear of rejection to You in Jesus’ name. If You are for me, and YOU ARE, whom shall I fear? Why should I be afraid? You are my Abba, Father, and I have access to You and everything that belongs to You. I choose to praise You in this battle, and I thank you that You’ve already won it!
Such peace rushed in as I let go and trusted God with this situation I obviously had no control over. After several days of prayer and punching fear in the face with praise, over and over, her fever went away.
It’s crazy how God will use our circumstances to reach a desired outcome in our lives or in our soul healing. He ultimately wants us to be more like Him. Our circumstances don’t change God, they change us!
We can be sure, no matter what, God’s character HAS NOT CHANGED. He’s the same yesterday, today, and forever: FAITHFUL, TRUE, and GOOD!!! His plans are to prosper us and give us hope. Don’t run. DRAW NEARER. He wants us to KNOW Him and the depths of His LOVE for us in every fiber of our being.
Over the past couple of weeks, Holy Spirit quickened this healing process in me. He knew what was coming and was getting me ready. In the past week I had a longtime, cherished friend choose to leave my life. And I’m okay with it. God is teaching me that even my losses are gain when I’m trusting Him.
The best interest of His children is always at the center of His heart. Because of that, there’s no need to fear!
“For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, ‘Abba, Father.’” ~Romans 8:14-15