He was buying me an engagement ring. I knew he was planning to give it to me that Christmas. We were both in college in different towns (about a 2 hour drive apart), and I became interested in someone else. This was a huge caution for me that he probably was not my man. After all, if he was, I probably wouldn’t have been so easily distracted by someone else. We had been really good friends for years before we dated. He was “right now,” and he was good. I mean I loved him, but there were so many red flags, I finally realized it wasn’t right. He wasn’t Mr. Right…at least not for me. How could I have been so close to marrying the wrong guy?
So many women in my sphere of influence are waiting for their man to show up and sweep them off their feet. I’m waiting, praying, and hopeful for that for them too. We all need someone who will just love us for us, right?
If you happen to be in the dating/waiting scene, there are a few things you might want to ask yourself as you proceed…
**Caution: IF you’re married, NONE of these apply directly to you. You are blissfully (hopefully) already taken!**
1) Is he followable? Does he listen to God before making decisions? If you answered “No” to this question, just stop reading. Nothing else matters. Have you ever heard of greased lightning? RUN as fast as you can girl! It’s not worth it.
2) What are my nonnegotiables? Standards. Do you have them? If not, get some, and don’t wait til you’re already smitten by his smile or the smell of his cologne. Preset boundaries and ideas about the relationship, future, and what is negotiable (or not) are important to have established for yourself before entering into a serious relationship. These will definitely make it easier to navigate through whether or not it will work long-term.
3) Are we on the same page with our future goals? Do you love the same things? Do you have similar interests, callings, dreams, and/or expectations? What about children and how you’ll raise them?
4) Is he a provider? What are his expectations of himself (and of you) financially? This may be huge if you ever decide to have a family.
5) Is this someone I want to wake up to every day for the next (potentially) 60-70 years? Will you still want to spend time with him after you’ve had a family and your children have grown up and moved out? Will you still love WHO he is, even if he loses his hair and gains a few pounds? Simply put, is he your best friend?
6) Am I attracted to this man’s heart? Does he have a genuine relationship with God? Does he demonstrate Jesus in the way he loves you (and others)? Is he loyal, honest, and pursuing God’s best for his life? Is he humble? Can you trust him with your life?
7) Does he believe in my dreams enough to help them come to pass? Does he encourage you to be who you were created to be at all costs? Will he support you and do whatever possible to see you succeed in all that you do? Do you believe in his dreams to that same extent?
8) Does he turn me on physically? Is there chemistry? God created us to enjoy one another sexually. Don’t settle for someone you’re not attracted to for fear of being lonely. And contrary to popular opinion, it’s really not necessary to try multiple people on for size to see if you’re attracted. (C’mon, you can be across the room and know if there’s chemistry. No beds are necessary.) If you’re following God’s lead, He will provide your perfect fit. Waiting til after you’re married to wrestle under the sheets is highly favorable and honored by God;)
9) Does he treat me with respect? Is he abusive in any way: emotionally, verbally or physically? Does he confront in love? Is he truly for you, or does he just want a trophy or a sex toy?
10) Are there blatant red flags? For example: Do you find yourself arguing more than you laugh together? Has he asked you to do something with your life that God hasn’t asked you to do? Does he think more highly of himself than he should?