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“Your friendship means the world to me.” Or, “I love you like a brother.” Does this sound familiar?  It’s a really nice way of saying, “I like you a lot, but apart from friendship this isn’t going anywhere long-term.”  From my own past experience, I know she probably really feels this way.  She’s probably flattered by your pursuit and thrilled to have you as a friend. Unfortunately, that’s all.

Ever been stuck in the friend-zone? You’re not alone. It’s tough when you want more than friendship and the answer is a resounding no.

If you’re an eligible bachelor and weary of waiting, here are some thoughts.

**Obviously this is not written for married men. If you’re married, thank God for your wonderful wife. Delight in her and date her often.**

Okay, I realize there’s no perfect guy except God Himself, but these are just some ideas. Things to think about. Things to strive for, perhaps.


1)  Don’t lose heart. Be patient. Maybe it’s not God’s time for you to meet her. You WILL if it’s HIS will. Seek His will. Enjoy the wait. Bask in the freedom of being single. Let’s not forget, the marriage zone is for LIFE.


2)  Realize there should be chemistry for BOTH of you. If you’re pursuing a girl, you’re attracted to her. If she’s not attracted to you, obviously there’s no chemistry. If she genuinely cares for you as a friend, she will not want to hurt you. This leaves her with no choice but to use lines like, “I love you like a brother.”
*If you find her using such lines then coming back and hard-core flirting, you might consider cutting that relationship off ASAP. Don’t waste your time, when your dream girl could be in the next room.


3)  If you don’t know Jesus, get to know Him. He’s the Creator of Love. If He’s not first in your life, you won’t truly know how to give or receive love. When you delight yourself in the Lord, He promises to give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4). When He’s first, the rest will fall into place. Stop thinking so much about her and think about Him. Pursue Him more than riches, people, fame, success, power, or any other thing.


4)  Know yourself. Know what you were created for, and if you’re ready for marriage. I realize you THINK you’re ready. I’m certain you’re probably ready for the (aheeem) “perks” of marriage, but are you really ready? Let’s think about it.

  • Question why you want to get married in the first place. Is it because you’re tired of watching Office reruns alone? What is it exactly?
  • Ask yourself if you’re ready to be a provider, and a man who protects, honors, and loves like Jesus? Realize this is straight-up sacrifice. (Add children to the mix and you sacrifice even more.)


5) Don’t date just to date. If you know you would never marry her, don’t waste your time dating her.


  • Does she respect you and your decisions? Do you respect her?
  • Does she love God, or does she just say she loves Him?
  • Is she a nurturing, caring person who looks out for the needs of others? Or is she mostly concerned with herself and her own needs?


6) Be a gentleman. Show respect by opening doors, listening, and affirming. Honor her the way you desire to be honored. Date her well. Gift her often with surprise gifts. Try to give more than you receive, and be okay with it.

7) Communicate often. And please do not use texting as your primary means of communicating. Have a real conversation, a verbal one. This is healthy. Promise.

8) Be a man worth following. Follow God with everything: every day, every decision. She will confidently follow you, knowing you’re following Him!

9) Remain pure with your eyes, ears, hands, mind, body, soul, and spirit. If faced with temptation, avoid it. Run if you have to. Pray. Find someone to hold you accountable.


10) Be honest at all costs. Trust is vital in all healthy relationships.

11) Pray for her. I mean don’t just pray for God to send her. Pray for her. Then after you meet her, keep praying for her. Pray over her. Pray with her. Make God the center of your relationship.


You are a man! You were born to BE amazing and do amazing things. If you desire marriage, no doubt, God desires it for you more. He will send you the right match to help you fulfill your destiny and His call on your life.

Forget the friend zone.  The real relationship zone is coming, with the RIGHT girl.

6 thoughts on “Friend-Zoned?

  1. Paul Brussow says:

    Being God-zoned is the start of it all! 🙂
    Really feel encouraged by these words… I have waited long and am still waiting and it’s hard sometimes, but He is faithful! Looking forward to the I-am-in-love-with-her-weak-at-the-knees zone 🙂

  2. P says:

    When I was young I was so shy that I was 23 before I even asked a girl for a date. I had few girlfriends and then one day when I was 34, a young woman literally walked into my life. She was 31. I knew almost immediately that she was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We married 8 months later and December this year will be 40 years. God knew what we both needed, His timing is always right. We have been blessed with a wonderful happy marriage, two wonderful children and two sweet little grandsons. We are truly blessed even though now health issues slow us down our marriage just keeps getting better.

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