To Love or Not To Love, That Is the Question


I hate that sinking feeling I get when I’m half asleep, I stumble to the bathroom, and realize when I sit down that I’m sitting IN the toilet not on it.  I know, it’s disgusting!  My exact thought when I’ve fallen in because the seat’s been left up.  Those are the moments when I have to fight with every fiber of my being not to throw a complete toddler temper tantrum in the middle of the night.  I want like everything to BE mad and stay mad!

This is just one of those things that gets me every time, and I struggle.  I’m not feeling LOVE toward my husband at that moment.  If anything, the opposite is true.  I FEEL like I want to strangle him.  Would I?  NO.  But my feelings cause me to believe there would be a great deal of enjoyment in strangling him.

It’s like with iPhones, when a newer version comes out, I FEEL like I NEED the new one.  WE are in constant need of the latest and greatest, aren’t we?  And it’s rather tempting to give up on that old phone when we see something we believe is better.  BUT the dilemma for me is the old one is paid for…hmmm.

Unfortunately, we live in a society that doesn’t value relationships much more than we do iPhones.  We trade in for what we believe to be newer, better versions when the going gets a little tough, or when we don’t FEEL the love.

LOVE is not a feeling, it’s a choice.

Because I choose to love my husband, I reason myself out of being permanently angry, I think things like… it wasn’t really ALL his fault.  He was probably half asleep.  And why, why, why didn’t I think to feel for the seat before sitting?

Love is the one piece in our wardrobe that makes every outfit look good.  We either choose to wear it, or not. 

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.   ~Colossians 3:12-14

Loving often requires choosing to shift our thinking.  It means taking hateful thoughts captive and replacing them with more reasonable, good thoughts toward the person.

Loving is laying down, and I’m not referring to sex, though that IS a vital and healthy aspect of love as God designed it between a husband and wife.  It’s a laying down of pride, bitterness, envy, judgment, and really any unhealthy spirit that would cause division in the relationship.

Loving is wanting what’s best for the other person and choosing to see the good in them. It’s being able to say “I’m sorry” and “I forgive” quickly.

Loving is what Jesus CHOSE to do for us on the cross, and it’s what He asks us to do for one another.

 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.  This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.  Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.  No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.  ~1 John 4:9-12


Wear your new lingerie, if you have it (preferably if you’re married)!

Kiss him/her with sweet love notes!

Enjoy your flowers, if you get them!

Enjoy a nice dinner!

Eat lots of dark chocolate!

Spend time with friends!

And DON’T FORGET, go through your wardrobe and put on LOVE, not just today but every day!!!!

11 thoughts on “To Love or Not To Love, That Is the Question

  1. P says:

    I am trying to live out Eph 5:25-33. I have not always done so. It makes a difference. I am called by God to love my wife as Christ loves His church, that means to put HER needs before mine ALWAYS, it means I must be prepared to die for her. These are tall orders and, of course I fail from time to time, but it has changed my attitude towards her, I see her as God’s gift to me, the woman I NEED to make my life complete here on earth. I count it a privilege to be her husband. Our marriage is getting better all the time. I notice that the Bible requires a husband to love his wife but that she must respect her husband.

    1. Rivera Douthit says:

      Yes the Bible is clear about how we should treat one another as husband and wife. I’ve found that respect and love are interwoven. My huband loves me so unconditionally, I can’t help but love and respect him back:) He goes out of His way to demonstrate love, and I gladly do it in return. I’ve written often about this subject in Random Things About Marriage I Learned the Hard Way, Recipe For a Smokin’ Hot Marriage, Submissive or Crazy or a Little Bit of Both, and What Men Really Want. I enjoyed your thoughts. Thank you for commenting. 🙂

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